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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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Finally, I decide to head back. But on my way, I bump into an old friend from school. We start catchin’ up, and it’s like no time has passed. We’re laughin’, talkin’ about the good ol’ days, and I’m feelin’ all nostalgic. But then, he mentions he’s movin’ away. My heart sinks. Like, why’s everyone leavin’ Roscommon?

Roscommon v Galway: What you need to know